I've been seeing an eating disorders counselor for a few months now. She has really helped me see my Ed for what it is - a compulsion driven my anxiety and emotion. I know now how to distinguish my own voice from Ed's. If you are reading this and you think you might have an eating disorder of any sort, please read Life Without Ed by Jenni Schaeffer. It's changed my life.
My counselor - uh, I hated her at first - horribly cute, perky, young, skinny - is wonderful. She has urged me to stay open-minded when it comes to weight loss surgery. So I've been considering it. Of course my experience with my father's WLS has left me skidish about malabsorption procedures. Be open to it she says, learn about it she says, decide for yourself she says. So I went to see a surgeon. And guess what, I was diagnosed with MORBID OBESITY! I am so fat it's going to kill me. Nice.
I've really been considering the lap band surgery. But I can't really find anyone who has had it for more than 5 years to talk to me about the long-term effects. Seems like most people start having a lot of trouble with it and have to have it removed. I've found lots of people out there with up to two years of being banded and many seem very happy with it. And then there are those who have had so many problems they've had it removed. And the doctor tells me that, based on my history and BMI, I should really consider gastric bypass.
OK, I've stayed open minded, I've been reading, listening, asking questions. But the idea of gastric bypass scares the crap out of me. From most accounts, there's rapid initial weight loss (frequently accompanied by hair loss) within the first year or so. Sounds appealing, right?! How about this - 5 years pass and suddenly you're in chronic pain, your bowels collapse, your intestine starts pushing up through your stomach, reflux, constant nausea, weight gain, vitamin and mineral deficiencies...NO THANK YOU!!!
Weight loss surgery is all I can think about lately. Should I do it, should I not do it? Can I make the life-long lifestyle changes it requires? If I can, why do I have to have surgery, why not just change myself? If, post-surgery, you can only eat 1/4 cup of food, then shouldn't I practice doing that? I can't imagine going through all of that only to end up being fat again and possibly fat with life-threatening complications from the surgery.
Oh, surgery...I've been dreaming about it. I finally had to quit reading the "support forums" because I'm becoming obsessed with it.
I rejoined Weight Watchers today. It's a good place to start, I think. I was watching Jillian on Biggest Loser last week and she told this girl who wanted to quit, "all you have to do is change your mind." What if she's right? Honestly, after reading all of these forums, I realize that she really might be right, but for some of us, it take a surgical procedure to help us change our minds.
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